Prologue
"Who's there?"
"It's me," a voice from the darkness growled.
"I'm sorry, sir. Come right in. I didn't recognise you Commander Leonhart."
Squall entered the front gate of Garden, his arm around Rinoa. He looked down at her, smiling and kissed the top of her head softly.
"Did you have a nice evening?"
"It was wonderful. Thank you." She still couldn't believe that it was quite real. Squall had always been so cold, so uncaring, and there he was taking her out for dinner at an expensive restaurant and, the most perfect part of all, a moonlit walk along the beach. She couldn't help feeling that something was wrong.
"If you don't mind, could you come with me to my dorm? I have…I have something I need to tell you." Alarm bells began to ring in Rinoa's head.
"What could he want to speak to me about? This can't be anything good. And just to make it worse, I'll have to tell him tonight. I've been putting it off for far too long. I have to do it tonight."
"Are you alright? You don't look too well."
"I'm fine, she lied. Just a little tired, that's all." The feeling of dread began to deepen in her stomach, as she began to think. "Just how do I tell him I'm pregnant?"
"She knows. She must know. That's why she looks so afraid. She knows what I'm going to ask. And she's going to say no."
He patted the top pocket of his jacket, making sure that the ring was still there, that he hadn't lost it on the way back to Garden. He knew that he was just being foolish. He had already checked several times before, just to be sure. He was nervous. So nervous that he couldn't bear the thought of anything ruining his plans.
"Maybe I shouldn't do it."
"No, I'm no coward. I'm not going to back down now. I've been planning this for so long." He took a deep breath to build up his courage, before unlocking his the door to his room.
"Rinoa, I need to tell you this," he began in earnest.
"Hold on," she interrupted. "I…I have something very important to tell you. It can't wait."
"But Rinoa, I…I love you, and I was wondering if…if…"
"Could Commander Leonhart please report to my office immediately. I repeat, could Commander Leonhart please report to my office immediately. This is urgent." Squall sighed at the sudden interruption from the PA system, knowing that the moment was ruined, his courage ebbing slowly away from him.
"I…I guess I'd better go." He kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave, disheartened.
"Wait, Squall." She grabbed his trailing arm, pulling him back around to face her. "Did you mean that? Really?"
"That I love you?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"I meant it with all my heart, you're everything to me. I just wanted you to know." He looked down at the floor, too embarrassed to look her in the eye. He had been saving this revelation for the moment he proposed.
"Thank you." She threw her arms around him, kissing him deeply.
Shocked, he turned to leave.
"Oh and Squall?"
"Yes."
"I love you too."
"Squall, this is an urgent request from Esthar. A group of militants is trying to overthrow the government there. They are encamped outside the city, which is where SeeD will engage them. You will command a group of almost a hundred SeeDs. We're sending our finest fighters to back you up. Estharian forces will also be there."
"If Esthar has its own army, why does SeeD have to be there?"
"Their army has insufficient numbers and the soldiers are not as well trained as SeeDs. Besides, President Laguna specifically requested your presence."
Me? Why me?
"When do we leave?"
"Immediately."
"Immediately?" Squall's heart sank. "I won't be able to ask her until I come back."
"Is that a problem?"
"No. No it's not." He left the Headmaster's office, taking the ring box out of his pocket. "I'm taking this with me. There's no way I'm letting her find this. It has to be a surprise."
"Squall. Please be careful." Squall could see the concern in Rinoa's eyes. She seemed truly afraid that something might happen to him.
"I'll be fine. I can take care of myself." He gently stroked her cheek. "Before you know it, I'll be back here with you."
"Promise?"
"I promise. I'll be here."
She smiled, remembering the previous promise they had made in the flower field. Squall had stayed true to his word, and she had no reason to doubt him now.
"Can I tell you something before I go?" she asked, tentatively.
"Of course. What is it?"
"I…I'm…" She couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him. "I love you Squall."
"I love you too." He kissed her goodbye and stepped aboard Ragnarok.
"I will tell him. It'll just have to wait. I have plenty of time to tell him."
Chapter 1
Four Years Later:
"Rinoa, can I come in? I need to talk to you."
"Sure Quistis. I'll be right there." I ran around the room trying to get changed quickly. What was so important that she had to get me out of the shower for? I stared in the mirror and was satisfied with my appearance. Well, apart from the hair. I looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge. I gave it a quick run through with my hairbrush and answered the door. "Sorry about the wait."
"That's alright. Please, Rinoa. Sit down." I could see the solemn expression on Quistis' face. I hadn't seen her this worried in a long time. Fear began to spread through the pit of my stomach. I could sense that she would be the bearer of bad news.
"You're scaring me now. What's wrong? And when did you get back from your mission?" I bombarded her with so many questions, but I only wanted the answer to one. "Where's Squall?"
"It's Squall I came to talk to you about." Her voice seemed deadly serious.
"He's okay, isn't he?" My heart was leaping in my chest and my stomach filled with a feeling of dread. "Please. Tell me what happened."
"Squall left the battle field in pursuit of the rebel leader. We searched for days but couldn't find either of them. All we found was this." Quistis handed Squall's gunblade to me, which I immediately dropped in shock and despair.
"No, Quistis. What are you trying to say?" Tears had begun to stream down my cheeks. I couldn't control it. I knew what she was about to tell me.
"He's dead Rinoa. He isn't coming back." Her words hit me like a bombshell, forcing all the life out of me. He isn't coming back. I sat down gently on the bed, waiting for the words to sink in. No, this can't be true. He promised. He promised me. Of course he'll come back.
"No. No, I don't believe you," I screamed at her.
"Rinoa…"
"I won't believe you. Get out!"
I sat up with a start. I was breathing heavily and my sheets were drenched with sweat. That dream again. I've been having that dream ever since that day four years ago. I just can't forget.
Believe me, I've tried. I've tried so damn hard. I tried to get away from everything. I left Garden, left my friends. Everything reminded me of him, and that was the last thing I wanted. I couldn't take wandering through the halls of Garden, getting sympathetic looks from everyone I passed. I knew what they were thinking.
She's all alone now. She has nobody, not since her boyfriend died.
I was so desperate to get away from things, I even went to live with him…my…father.
Things didn't change though. He was still all wrapped up with his work, didn't care about me. He didn't even notice how ill I was becoming. I didn't eat, didn't sleep. I spent every night at the bar, drowning my sorrows, hoping somehow that alcohol would wash away my memories.
I knew it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time, I didn't care what happened to me. As far as I was concerned, my life was over. I just wished I could curl up and die.
Until one day…
I'd been drinking heavily the previous night and hadn't eaten a thing for days. As soon as I got out of bed I collapsed, waking up a few days later in hospital. And that's when they told me…told me I'd lost my baby.
I was devastated. As if losing Squall wasn't bad enough. But somewhere inside me, something clicked. I don't know, maybe I saw the light. I realised what I'd been doing to myself and I vowed I'd stop it. It wasn't what he would have wanted.
Sure, it was difficult at first. I got so many jobs, but none of them really kept me occupied. I still couldn't take my mind of Squall, off the life we could have shared together. On a whim, I decided to visit Zone and Watts. After all, I had been meaning to return to Timber, to see what it was like liberated.
I hadn't meant to stay, it just happened really. I enjoyed their company, I'd really missed them. They asked me to stay the night, but that night became a week. After that, I found a job. A good one. I've stuck with it ever since.
Right now, I'm a journalist for Timber Maniacs. I write travel articles, so I get to see the world. I guess it takes my mind off things. I just want to forget my past, act like it never happened, become a normal person again. I think I'm getting there. I just need more time.
Time…time?
Damn.
Looking at the clock, I saw it was 7.30. Damn, I'm going to be late for work. I leap out of bed, and start my morning routine. I slip on my favourite t-shirt and pants and brush my hair. I wish I had time for a shower. I undo the clasp on my necklace and put it on carefully. Staring in the mirror, I sigh, seeing the Griever necklace clash against that given to me by my mother. I guess I'll never escape him.
I walk over to my bed and pull out a large, metallic box from underneath it. I open it and pull out a faded photograph. Every day I look at this and it makes no difference. It makes me smile though, to see how happy we were back then. Before it happened. A photograph won't bring him back though.
I stuff the photograph away, not wanting to be lost in my thoughts again. Checking my watch, I know it's time to leave. I grab my bag and leave my apartment, hopefully leaving my thoughts behind too.
Chapter 2
Diary of Quistis Trepe
2nd May
Today was a poignant day for me. It's been four years without him. Those four years sure have dragged. I didn't realise how much I'd miss him being around. It's been really difficult.
That day. It was the beginning of the end for all of us really. The six of us thought we'd be there for each other always. We went through so much together, but Squall's death? We couldn't deal with that.
A few days afterwards, Rinoa left. She didn't even say goodbye. I guess I can understand her wanting to leave. If I was in her position, I'm not sure if I'd want to stay in Garden. Still, I wish she'd have said goodbye. I know I was a little jealous when Squall and her fell in love, but she was my friend. I miss her. I don't even know if she's alright. I haven't heard anything from her for four years. I don't even know where she is. I visited her father's house soon after she left, but he said she wasn't there. Now, I'm not sure if he was telling the truth. Maybe I should try and find her. I miss her.
A few weeks later, Irvine went back to Galbadia Garden. He said that there was too much sadness here. I kind of agree with him. Selphie was broken hearted though. She's not been the same since. It's strange to think that she used to be bright and happy. Now, she's forever down, and she's become so serious about her duties at Garden. I can't blame her. Garden is the only thing she has left.
And as for Zell. Well, Zell still lives in hope. It's admirable really. In the beginning, we all had our hope, but now…now, that hope is dead. Zell, on the other hand, still believes Squall's out there. He's been taking a lot more missions on since that day. I know he's only doing them in the hope that he'll find Squall. Sometimes, I just wish he'd face up to reality. Squall's dead. He's not coming back.
He's not coming back.
On a brighter note, it's also the four year anniversary of me becoming the Commander here. I still don't feel like I've earned it though. Everywhere I go, people stare at me, as if they're saying,
"Squall should be the Commander, not you. You're just second best."
I hate that, but at the same time, I know it's true. If Squall were still here, he'd be Commander. I guess I didn't earn this. I guess that's why I stay awake at night. I guess that's why I dream of him. Dream of him being angry with me. He calls me a traitor, says I've stolen his place in life. Maybe I have.
Maybe I'm just a fraud.
Chapter 3
"Leon. Hey, Leon, I need some help out here."
What is it now? Can't this guy take care of himself yet? I slowly stood up, leaving my room and heading out of the house to where Maron was screaming.
"What?" I demanded.
"What do you mean, what? There's a monster out here!" He was waving his arms around frantically, pointing in the direction of the so called monster.
"It's a bite bug." I still couldn't believe this guy. He was panicking about a damn bite bug. Even the children of the village weren't afraid of bite bugs.
"Leon, don't just stand there with your hands on your hips. Do something about it."
I sighed, drawing my twin pistols from my waist. I took one shot at the bite bug. It fell to the floor dead.
"Thank you."
I shook my head, still in disbelief, before heading back to the house.
I've got to get out of here. It's driving me crazy. Sure, Winhill's a nice place to live for a while, but then, well it gets boring. All I have to do here is fight a few little monsters. Anyone could do that.
Well, maybe not anyone. Maron couldn't. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. Everyone says he's not been the same since his sister died some twenty years ago. He still hasn't gotten over it. Apparently, she died giving birth. The father was a foreigner and never came back for her. I guess that's why nobody likes strangers here.
Still, they took me in, and I'm grateful for it. Maron was the one who found me on the beach in Esthar whilst he was out fishing. He took me in, gave me somewhere to live. All I had to do in return was kill a few monsters, keep the town safe.
I guess that was okay for a while. I just want to get out of here. Same old routine every day. I need some excitement. Something to keep me occupied so I don't spend every hour of every day thinking.
But what I want more than anything is to remember. Remember what happened before.
I opened my curtains, looking up at the sky. Getting late. Maybe I'll go get a drink.
Walking down the stairs, I noticed a strange sound coming from the living room. Sounds like someone crying.
I stood at the door trying to be as silent as possible. Maron was in there, looking at all the stuff his sister Raine had left him. He pulled out a musical box with a couple dancing on top. He wound it up and the music started. It sounded familiar somehow.
Suddenly I wasn't in that room anymore.
I was stood in a large, spacious ballroom with my back against the wall and a glass in my hand. I was wearing some kind of uniform, maybe from the military or something. Glancing across the room I noticed the floor was full of couples dancing.
And then, I saw her.
An angel.
She looked at me, her deep brown eyes boring right into the depths of my soul. She pointed towards the starry, night sky and walked towards me, the heels of her shoes clicking against the floor. I took a deep breath and composed myself.
"Hey. You're the best looking guy here. Dance with me?"
Why would she want to dance with me? Look at her, she's beautiful.
"I don't dance." It took all I had to refuse her. I just really don't like to dance.
"I get it. You'll only dance with someone you like." She wasn't going to give up that easily. Moving her hand towards my face, as if trying to hypnotise me, she said, "You're going to like me, you're going to like me. Did it work?"
Yes.
"I told you, I can't dance."
"Don't worry. You'll be fine." Despite myself, I let her drag me onto the dance floor as the music started.
That music.
It was the same.
She placed one of my hands on her waist, and took the other in her own. Her touch made me shiver, it was so gentle.
I started to dance in time with the music. At least, I tried to. I don't know how to dance. Soon I was tripping over my own feet. I'd had enough.
I tried to leave the dance floor, but she dragged me back and made me try again. It didn't matter, I was still clueless.
After a few seconds, I managed to crash into another couple. I thought she'd be mad, or at least a little embarrassed, but she pulled her tongue out at the two people glaring at us. And then…then she smiled.
Something in that smile made my heart melt. I was entranced by it. Before I knew it, I was dancing as if I'd been doing it my whole life. I actually started to enjoy myself.
We both stopped dancing, staring at the fireworks outside. Looking back at each other, I found myself staring into those eyes. I leaned forward, hoping to kiss her, but she pulled back.
"I've gotta go." She smiled as she walked off the dance floor, leaving me gazing after her.
"Leon. You alright." Maron was shaking me by my shoulders.
"I'm fine."
"You look like you've blacked out or something. You sure you're okay?" I nodded. "Fine. Get some rest or something."
"Yeah. I think I'll do that." I climbed back upstairs, lost in thought, and lay on my bed.
Who is she?
Chapter 4
The receptionist behind the counter glared evilly at me as I rushed into the building.
"Late again," she remarked dryly.
Just who does she think she is anyway? It's not like she's my boss or anything. She's just one of those people who think they are far senior and important than anybody else there. There's one in every work place. The annoying thing is, she's all sweetness and light when the boss is around. I hate two-faced people.
As soon as her gaze returned to her work I pulled my tongue out at her and opened the door to my office. I quickly hung my coat up and sat behind my desk in the pretence that I hadn't been late at all, and had in fact been hard at work for some time now. It was lucky I did, as this was the moment that Helana, my boss, chose to walk through the door.
"Rinoa, how's the article on the music festival going?"
I cringed, realising that the deadline was in a few days time.
"Erm...it's fine," I lied. "Almost finished."
"Oh, that's a shame because I don't need you to do it anymore," she said matter of factly. Helana had a habit of constantly changing plans without informing anybody. It was infuriating, but you learnt to live with it. Either that, or you got fired. "I asked someone else to do it."
"What am I doing instead?" I asked, praying that it was not another article about some cheap tourist attraction. I wanted to finally be free from reporting on fairs, circuses and theme parks, and various other small places that nobody would ever visit in a million years, no matter what I wrote.
"I've heard about this adorable little place from a friend of mine. Erm, what was it called?"
I sat there patiently, knowing that she would soon remember.
"Winhill. Yes, that's it, Winhill."
"Really?" I asked, shocked that she had heard of such a small village.
"You know it?"
"I've heard of it," I replied. I knew that my voice had been tinged with sadness, but thankfully, Helana was far too self-absorbed to have noticed.
"Well, here's your train ticket to Dollet." She handed me an unmarked, white envelope. "I hear that they're a bit wary of tourists there, but I'm sure you'll be fine. Just give me a nice article about the village for the newspaper. A little about it's history maybe. Oh, and don't forget to ask about monsters, I hear the village sometimes becomes overrun by them."
"Excuse me. I'm going to Dollet?"
"There aren't any trains to Winhill. You have to take a boat from Dollet. Now, there's only one a day, so don't be late." She looked at me knowingly. I bet the receptionist had been talking. "Well, hurry up and pack your things. I want you on that train in two hours."
I hastily threw my clothes into my suitcase, double-checking that everything else was packed. I was notorious for forgetting things. Often, I would turn up to do an interview without a tape recorder or a notebook. It's a wonder I even remember to wake up in the morning. Satisfied that everything was in my suitcase, I headed for the train station.
"Damn," I cursed as I saw the traffic outside my apartment. I'd never make it to the station in that.
I decided that walking was probably my best option, even though I was carrying a heavy suitcase.
I had to wonder just how much worse my day could get as I began to run, trying to get to the train on time.
"I'll get the sack."
I got on to the platform just before the train pulled away. The guard was about to wave the train away.
"Hey, wait!" I shouted at him. "I need to get on that train." Grudgingly, the guard opened the door for me and let me on board. I breathed a sigh of relief as I slumped down into my seat. I had made it, just. Maybe I wouldn't get the sack after all.
On the other hand, could I really do this? Go to that place? Squall had told me so much about it.
A few months after we defeated Ultimecia, Laguna told Squall that he was his father. Admittedly, he took it pretty hard at first. He'd spent all his life alone, without a family, and suddenly he had a father again. I think he was glad in the end. He found out about where he came from, who his family was. Together, they visited Winhill and went to see Raine's grave. He told me all about the village, everything that he found out when Ellone sent him into Laguna's past, and everything that he did and saw when he went there himself.
Can I really face going somewhere that will just make me think of him?
I guess I have to.
At first, being in Timber made me think of Squall, of the time we spent together on the mission. Time, however, is the best healer of all. Now, I just see it as my home.
Maybe being in Winhill won't be as bad as I expect.
"Next stop, Dollet. Next stop, Dollet. This is the end of the line."
I picked up my suitcase and waited for the train to come to a halt. The station at Dollet was refreshingly modern, at least compared to the rustic charm of Timber. Compared to stations such as Deling it was fairly old-fashioned, but fitted into the town extremely well.
Outside the station, the rest of the town seemed to be very grand, with a mixture of old fashioned, and new buildings. The new buildings seemed to be grouped together, obviously built over the ruins from the Galbadian invasion. At the peak of the hill just outside the town, was the now deserted communications tower.
I shook my head, knowing that this would bring thoughts of Squall. I had heard so much about the SeeD exam that Squall had taken. To the younger cadets in Garden, it was legendary. I was told by a junior classmen that Squall had fought alone against an invincible machine created by the Galbadians, followed by hundreds of their best soldiers. These over exaggerated stories became more preposterous every week and Squall hated it.
"Must they talk about me all the time?" he would ask. "You'd think they were in the presence of a hero, not a mercenary." No matter what anybody said, Squall refused to believe he was anything but ordinary. He could never see what others did.
Being here in this place made me realise how much of Squall's life I'd missed out on. I realised that, although we had been through so much together, there were still some things that we could never have shared. There were some things that I was never a part of.
Heading into the harbour, I scanned the shoreline for the boat to Winhill. There was a large passenger boat bustling with people that I assumed was heading for Balamb. My mind wandered to all the friends that I had at Garden.
Were they all okay?
"Hey, you heading for Winhill?" a gruff voice asked me. I looked and saw a middle aged man in a small wooden fishing boat.
"Yes," I replied, suddenly unsure of myself. Should I go ahead with this?
"Well, hurry up and get in then. I don't have all day." I automatically clasped the rings on my necklace for comfort, before stepping forward.
I can do this.