GREY TOMBSTONES

“The new dorms will go here.” Squall Leonhart said, gesturing to the plan he had laid out on the table. “So we are going to start working on this side first. Work will begin tomorrow at six. I expect everyone to be there and ready to begin.”

“Hold on a sec.” Zell Dincht said from where he was lounging in his chair. “Did you say tomorrow, Squall?”

“Yes.” Squall sighed as he began to pack the plans back into a bag. “You all have the rest of the day off. I think you earned it.”

“Whoooo-hoooooo!” Zell shouted and raced out of the tent.

“Sweet.” Irvine Kinneas said, standing up and stretching. He bent down to to pull Selphie Tilmitt out of her chair. “Come on lil’ lady.” He said. “Lets go see what we can find to warm us up a bit.”

Selphie giggled. “Haven’t you had enough coffee, Irvy?” She asked, allowing herself to be steered out of the door.

“You can never have enough coffee.” Irvine said, wrapping his arm around Selphie’s shoulders. “You know,” He said, looking down at her as she blinked up at him through the snow. “I’m feeling warmer already.”

Selphie giggled again and hit him playfully on the chest.

“Come on, cowboy.” She said. “We’ll freeze if we stand here any longer.”

They walked together to the Rec tent, Irvine’s arm still encircling Selphie shoulders. When they got inside, they found Zell playing (and losing) pool with a guy know as Havand.

“I’ll get the coffee,” Irvine said, leading Selphie to one of the picnic tables set up in the large tent. “You just wait here.”

Selphie smiled happily as she watched Irvine's thread his way through the other tables and approach the counter. Her smiled didn’t falter a bit when Irvine tipped his hat to the girl who was taking her shift at being the bartender. Selphie knew it was just habit. She knew Irvine well enough to know that he didn’t mean anything by it. It was just how he acted.

Zell let out a moan as Havand scored a final point. Havand smiled broadly at Zell, then went to the bar, passing Irvine who was now heading back to Selphie, two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Come on Kinneas,” Zell challenged as Irvine strode past him. “You and me.”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Irvine replied with his trademark smile.

“Ahhhh, it’s only a game of pool.” Zell protested.

Irvine shook his head, his long pony tail flipping over his shoulder.

“Not the way you play.” He told his friend, then made it to Selphie and slid smoothly onto the bench next to her. Zell bowed his head for a minute, then perked up.

“I go find Squall!” He said. “He always loves a challenge!” He dashed out of the tent as Selphie giggled.

“I don’t think Squall would really be into pool.” She said, sipping her coffee. It was nice to drink something warm. Trabia was always cold no matter what season, but this was winter, when the weather was at it’s worst.

“Besides,” Irvine said, drinking his coffee must faster then Selphie. “Squall’s not on break.”

“What do you mean?” Selphie asked, looking up at Irvine with her innocent green eyes wide. “He said that we could have the rest of the day off.”

“Yeah.” Irvine said, gulping down more coffee. “We. He is probably drawing up more plans or stuff.”

“Well that’s not fair to him.” Selphie said, springing up. “I go tell him he’s got to take a break.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Irvine said, grabbing Selphie’s arm and pulling her back down next to him. “Stay a minute with me.” Selphie smiled.

“Okay.” She said cheerfully. “I’ll stay until you finish your coffee.”

Irvine looked sadly down into his empty cup. Selphie giggled and stood up. She took off Irvine’s hat, kissed him lightly on top of his head, then placed the hat back in it’s proper spot and flounced out the door.


Irvine watched Selphie go, wearing the same smile he always had around her. Back at Balamb, right after he had become a SeeD, him, Selphie, Squall, Zell and a few others had been assigned by Cid to go to Trabia and help with the construction. Quistis had remained behind to teach and Rinoa was off in Timber with Zone and Watts doing who knew what.

Irvine was glad he had able to come here, even though it was so cold and the work was hard. He had wanted to be there for Selphie, be there when she faced the terrible destruction of what was once her home. As far as Irvine knew, she hadn’t even cried once. He had found her in the cemetery a few times however, looking wistful and lost. Whenever this happened she would just smile at him, and suggest blithely that they go back to work. Irvine knew she wasn’t sharing her true feelings, but that was okay. He wasn’t going to push it. She would tell him when she was ready.

He stretched out his long legs and reached for Selphie’s half drunk cup of coffee. Working as hard as they did, he needed all the energy he could get.


Selphie ducked into the tent they had erected for meetings. The place was empty except for a few papers and some cups left out on the table. She called Squall’s name a few times, just to make sure. No answer. Maybe he had decided to take a break after all. She was just turning to head back out the door when the ground beneath her began to shake.

Selphie looked down, as if expecting to see what had caused the disturbance laying at her feet. The shaking was increasing ever so slightly. A pole behind Selphie fell over. It was like something big was driving across the ground. A cup, left on the end of the table, slid off and broke with a crash on the floor. Somebody outside screamed a word that terrified Selphie from the top of her honey colored curls to the bottom of her brown boots.

“ATTACK!”

Selphie raced out of the tent, falling sideways onto the ground. She hurriedly picked herself up, not bothering to brush the snow off her jeans or parka. She dived into the tent she shared with a Trabian girl named Susan to retrieve her nunchaku, then was running as fast as possible toward the sound of the screams.

All she could think about were her friends. Squall, Zell, Susan, Lisa, Arty, all the others. Irvine. Her blood seemed to turn to ice at the thought of him, lying dead in a cemetery. Not Irvine, please not Irvine. In her mind she saw a tombstone, covered in snow. She could just barely see the end part of the name written on it. Kinneas. She sped up, her eyes wet from the cold and tears of fear that froze instantly on her cheeks.

She reached the end of the tents set up for sleeping and was entering the construction area when she saw them.

Four enormous Gabaldian attack vehicles were rumbling over the hill toward Trabia garden. They didn’t seemed to have fired any shots, but Selphie had to make sure. She looked around hopelessly. How was she going to find her friends with everyone running around in panic?

“Selphie!” She whirled around to see Zell hurrying towards her, looking distressed.

“Zell!” She cried in relief. “The others......?” Zell shook his head.

“I don’t know.” He replied. “I saw Susan back there, along with most of the other Trabians. No one was hurt. But I couldn’t find Squall or Irvine anywhere.”

“Well if you do,” Selphie said, making her voice light despite the growing feeling of panic inside her. “Tell them I said they better get there butts over here right now.” Zell smiled slightly. Selphie could tell her cheeriness had made him feel better.

“Will do!” He said, and raced off. As soon as he was out of sight, Selphie heard a familiar voice issuing orders.

“See if anyone's hurt. Get them to the hospital tent immediately. Prepare the defenses. Round up all of the SeeD’s and make sure they’re fully armed. Be ready to send a message to Cid back at Balamb. Check and make sure all of the escape vehicles are fully operational.” Squall turned as five of his messengers ran off. Selphie ran towards him.

“You’re all right.” He said, sounding genuinely relieved.

“You?” Selphie asked. Squall snorted.

“Fine.” He said shortly. “Where’s Irvine?”

“I..... I don’t know.” Selphie said, and looked so distressed that Squall actually tried to console her.

“He’ll be fine.” He said roughly. “Look, I’ve got more important things to do right now.” He gave her a clumsy pat on the shoulder then disappeared.

Selphie was more worried now then before. She had never seen Squall try to comfort someone before. He considered it a waste to tell people anything but the straight truth. The world seemed to spin around her. She couldn’t stand here, she had to do something. The ground shaking was increasing. Selphie was going to fall over. She couldn’t see anything but tombstones. Grey tombstones. The names of all her friends were on them. Someone was telling her they had died in a attack made on Trabia.

She whirled around and ran strait into someone. Someone a head and shoulders taller then her. Someone with long, silky brown hair. Someone wearing a long, tan coat even though a parka would have been better in the cold. Someone with brown, fingerless gloves. Someone wearing a black cowboy hat at a jaunty angle on his head.

Selphie gave a gasp of relief and flung herself forward into Irvine’s arms, dropping her nunchaku on the ground with a clatter.

“Selphie.” He said huskily, gripping her tightly. She looked up into his face and was surprised to see tear tracks on his cheeks.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, tracing the path of the tears with a delicate finger. Irvine smiled, but it wasn’t his normal, crooked smile. It was one of pure relief, trembling slightly through fear that was still subsiding. Selphie laid her head against his chest, closing her eyes. She allowed herself three seconds before pulling gently away.

“We should go help.” She said, her left arm still around his waist.

“Yeah.” He didn’t loosen his hold. Selphie probably would haven’t have made him except the attack vehicles suddenly stopped. She whirled around and snatched up her nunchaku, fear rising up in her once more.

Galbaldian soldiers, dressed in their normal blue uniforms were jumping off the trucks, their guns and swords slung on their backs.

“SeeD’s!” Came Squall’s voice as he emerged from a tent, gunblade in hand. “Quickly, form a line. Basic formation. All others report to Frak in the Mess Hall.”

Selphie and Irvine joined up with Zell as they spread out in a line in front of the Galbaldian. Squall paced the line of SeeD’s, about fifty of them in all, instructing and criticizing.

The Galbaldian had pulled out their weapons, yet weren’t firing.

A commander, dressed all in red stepped forward.

“Residents of Trabia.” He said, his voice shaking with nervousness. Some commander Selphie thought distractedly. “We, er, demand that you, um, demand that you surrender! Uh, surrender your garden for us to..... for us to....... for us to..... use.”

Squall had stopped pacing and and was eyeing the commander skeptically. Even though Selphie was in the far left of the line and Squall was in the middle, she could still make out his astonishment at having to deal with someone so clearly useless.

“No.” Squall said simply. “We belong here. Besides, it is a wreck of a garden-” Selphie’s head spun again at those words. Grey tombstones...... “-that we are trying to fix. It could be of no use to you.”

The commander seemed confused as what to respond. “Never, er, nevertheless, um, you must surrender, or......... uh, die.”

Squall snorted derisively. “Fine.” He said. The commander made a slight squeaking noise, but ordered his troops forward.

The SeeD’s fought the Galbaldians easily, Squall’s idea of a line formation working out perfectly.

However, there were quite a bit more Galbaldian then SeeD’s, and no matter how many they cut down, more kept coming. Selphie allowed herself to be slashed twice by a Galbaldian with a sword in her last battle. She didn’t know how much longer she could last. Her hands were raw and bloody from gripping her nunchaku and no amount of cure spells could stop the pain that was starting to build behind her forehead.

Just when Selphie was ready to lay down and tell the Galbaldian to go ahead and kill her, another commander appeared. This one was obviously of higher rank. He strode forward to the front of his troops, confident. He reached the spot where Squall had just cut down a soldier with his gunblade.

The commander raised his hands and beckoned to his remaining troops. He was telling them to retreat. The SeeD’s let them go. After all, they weren’t trained to murder people without a cause.

Just as the last troop were climbing into the trucks, the commander half turned back to Trabia. He raised his hand.

Selphie heard a whirring noise. One of the trucks had a gun raising from it. She heard Zell swear loudly, and a few people scream. Someone was shouting her name, but all she could think of was the gun. She knew what it meant. Missiles. Missiles here, at Trabia. And that meant death. Her friends, laying in the cemetery, graves marked with nothing but grey. Selphie’s whole world lurched and spun. The gun was about to fire. She could hear people yelling and running. There was crash from somewhere behind her and she could hear endless screaming issuing from her own throat. It all seemed like it was in the background, like a radio turned down real quiet. Over it all she could hear a voice saying “....Launching missiles....... target Trabia........” Then all sound stopped and the grey quickly darkened to black.


Irvine clung to Selphie desperately. She titled her head and looked up into his face with her wide, green eyes.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, her index finger stroking his cheek where his tears had been sliding down moments before. For about a minute and half, he had imagined what it would be like to lose her. His thoughts had scared him more then any thing else in his life.

Selphie was suggesting they go help. Irvine agreed, he knew it was the right thing to do. He just couldn’t bring himself to let her go. Then came the Galbaldian Vehicles and the nervous commander.

Irvine was itching to get to the fighting already, to get it over with. He fingered his shotgun anxiously. Come on. He thought. Let this be over quick.

After awhile he was just as tired as anyone else. The only ones who seemed the exact same as when they started were Zell, who was always energetic, and Squall, who never was.

Then came the other commander, summoning his troops to retreat. Irvine wondered about this. Why retreat when they’re chances for winning were looking up? What happened next drove all these thoughts from Irvine’s mind.

A gun was rising from one of the trucks. A missile gun, by the looks of it. Smart. Retreat and save your troops, then use a missile gun to blow the SeeD’s to smithereens. Zell saw the gun as well and let out a stream of curses.

Squall began shouting orders for all the SeeD to run. Irvine looked over at Selphie. She stood transfixed, staring at the gun with a sort of mute horror.

“Selphie!” Irvine yelled, trying to reach her as other SeeD’s fled past him. “Selphie!”

He stopped trying to be nice and began shoving people out of his way. As the gun prepared to fire, Selphie began to scream.

Bodies slammed into Irvine, knocking him to the ground. He looked up to see Selphie collapse. The gun fired.

Irvine covered his head with his hands as three missiles whizzed through the air above him. He heard them hit somewhere behind, the ground shaking with the impact. Bits of wood and metal came flying through the air, one piece slicing open Irvine's right cheek. He ignored this as he crawled forward towards Selphie, looking around as he did so. SeeD’s were spread out all around him. He wondered if they were alive. He could feel heat coming from his left, heat like from a fire. Something was hissing. Please let them be alive. Irvine prayed as he inched forward. All of them, please............


“Whatever.”

“The hell do you mean, whatever?”

“Hey, hey, hey. Fellas.”

The voices drifted in through the tent flap as Selphie stirred and opened her eyes. She was laying in the tent she shared with Susan. Someone had removed her parka and piled more blankets then she remembered owning on top of her. She was warm and comfortable. She rolled onto her side and winced. Scratch comfortable, she was in pain. Her head ached like it had when she was fighting the Galbaldians. The Galbaldians! She tried to sit up, but the pain in her head wouldn’t let her. She gave a soft moan as she sank back onto her pillow.

Irvine entered the tent, wearing his long sleeved blue sweater, tan jacket, cowboy pants and hat.

“Hey there lil lady!” He said jovially, looking down at Selphie and beaming. He knelt by her bed, his voice becoming soft and serious. “We were worried about you Sefie.”

She stared at him. Why was he still alive?

“Selphie?” Irvine asked anxiously. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head as Zell and Squall entered the tent. Selphie gapped even more at the sight of them. Both, still alive.

“She all right?” Zell asked, bouncing from one foot to the other.

“She’s awake at least.” Irvine said, turning back to Selphie. “Can you sit up?” She nodded, and managed, with Irvine’s help, to prop herself up against her pillow.

“I’ll go get the soup.” Zell volunteered.

“Hurry up.” Squall said dryly. “I’ve wasted enough time as it is. I still have to interrogate the prisoner.

“Prisoner?” Selphie croaked. “Where is he? What has he told you? Why did they attack us? What do they want? Are they coming back? Is anyone dead? Who got hurt?”

“Whoa, slow down.” Irvine said, resting his hand protectively on Selphie’s shoulder. “Relax, everyone is okay. There were a few cuts and
bruises but otherwise were all fine.” Selphie then noticed the scratch running lengthwise down Irvine's cheek.

“Oh Irvy, your hurt.” She said. “I’m so sorry. I’m being selfish. Did you get a healer to look at that? Maybe I should cast Curaga-”

Irvine pressed two fingers to her lips. “The only person I’m worried about is you.” He said softly.

In the corner, Squall rolled his eyes. “Where is Zell?” He muttered, mainly to cover for the fact that seeing Irvine and Selphie made him miss Rinoa more then usual.

“Here!” Zell bounded in the door with a half-full bowl of soup.

“What happened to the rest of the soup?” Squall asked.

“I had to sample it first and make sure it was okay.......”


Squall led the way into the Rec tent, Zell, Selphie, and Irvine following, Selphie leaning heavily on Irvine's arm. She had demanded to be allowed to go with them to talk to the prisoner, saying the reason she had collapsed was just fatigue from fighting the battles. Zell accepted this, and Irvine let it slide because he was still worried about her. Squall had cocked an eyebrow in her direction however. He knew she was too good of a fighter to collapse after battles like that, no matter how tired she was. But he had more important things on his mind.

They had healed the Galbaldian of his wounds which he had received in the battle, and now he was tied up and waiting in the Rec tent.

The four SeeD’s entered and found the soldier sitting in a chair, his wrists tied together and looking extremely nervous. The SeeD’s sat down on the squishy red sofa opposite the chair, Irvine making sure Selphie was comfortable before sitting down himself.

“How are you feeling?” Squall asked the prisoner curtly. “Did the healers do their job?”

“I, er, yeah. They did.” The prisoner was extremely surprised. Since when did captors asked how their victims how they were doing?

“Were not going to torture you.” Squall said with a hint of dry laughter in his voice. “Us SeeD believe in treating people with respect. We just want to ask you a few questions.”

“Yeah, like why the hell you attacked us.” Zell said angrily. Squall laid a hand on his knee, glaring at him warningly.

“Uh, well, the commander told us to.” The guy said. “So we did. I think he wanted to use it for a base.”

“And who’s order was your commander acting on?” Squall asked. If it had been anyone but his closest friends seated on the couch beside him, they would have missed the slight edge of fear in his voice. Last time they went up against Galbaldia the soldiers had been acting on the orders of Ultimecia.

“No one.” The man replied. “He was labeled a deserted and so was kicked out of the army.”

“Are all of you deserters to?” Squall asked.

“N,no.” The guy replied, getting nervous again. “We were his unit, and he ordered us to come with him.”

“Why did you listen?” Irvine asked. He had his arm draped across the couch behind Selphie and his long legs crossed. “Why not just say no?” The prisoner shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“He scared ya, didn’t he?” Zell asked excitedly, ignoring the look Squall shot him. “Y’all don’t wanna be here but your afraid of him. Look, I got an idea! Why not just kill him? Then all our problems would be solved!”

“Shut up!” Squall hissed. He wasn’t looking at the prisoner. He was looking at Selphie. She had gone a deathly white, her eyes shining eerily.

“It’s a good idea!” Zell protested, looking at Irvine for support.

“Yeah.” Irvine said. “We kill this commander and then you Galbaldians can all go back to your home. No one will be attacking Trabia anymore. What do you think, Sefie?” He turned to look at Selphie and immediately stopped smiling. “What is it?” He asked worriedly. “Do you need to lay down?”

“No.” Selphie said dazedly. “No, I’m fine.” Her voice became soft and it seemed like she talking to herself more then anyone else. “Kill the commander. Kill him and no one attacks Trabia. No more tombstones.......”

“Uh, Selph?” Zell asked. “What do ya mean, tombstones?” Selphie shook her head, curls bouncing.

“Nothing.” She said, her voice still kind of dreamy. “Nothing.” She stood up and wandered out of the tent, murmuring to herself.

Irvine and Zell exchanged bewildered glances.

“Your free to go.” Squall said to the prisoner. “Your commander will think your dead so you can head back to your home free and clear.” He stood up and untied the man, who thanked Squall profusely, then exited the tent.

“Zell, I want you to round up all of the SeeD’s.” Squall said. “Tell them to go to the Meeting Tent. Irvine, I want you to get your sniper ready while I dispatch a message to Cid.”

“But Selphie-” Irvine began to say, but Squall made a slashing movement with his hand.

“You two can cuddle later.” He said shortly. “We have an assassination to plan.”


Selphie walked bemusedly from the Rec Tent, her thoughts reeling.

Kill the commander and everyone would be safe. Kill the commander and there would be no more attacks. Kill the commander and there would be no more missiles. Kill the commander and there would be no more grey tombstones.

“Hey! Hey, Selphie!” She turned slowly around to see Zell dashing towards her. “Squall wants all SeeD’s in the Meeting Tent.” He panted, his hands on his knees. He looked up at her, smiled, then dashed off.

The meeting tent. To discuss what to do about the commander.

For a minute Selphie considered going to her tent, crawling into bed and pulling up the covers. She swayed on the spot, then took a deep breath. She had to go to the meeting. She had to.


“Good, your all here.” Squall said, turning to face the SeeD’s. “Where is Zell?”

“Here!” Zell said emerging from under the table, chewing on something. He grinned sheepishly. “Somebody dropped something.”

Squall shook his head. “Anyway, we have a possible mission to do.”

Irvine’s attention wandered as Squall explained about the commander. He was pulling lose threads from his sweater and braiding them together when he heard Squall say

“On to the assassination mission.”

Irvine sat upright, dropping the threads onto the floor. All around him others were paying more attention to. Squall looked at Irvine and gave a very small, half smile.

“I thought that would get all of your attention.” He said flatly. “My plan is to hold off on the assassination front.” Selphie gave a small squeak from next to Irvine. Squall pretended he didn’t notice. “The Galbaldians seemed pretty surprised to see someone here, and it is likely that they will have given up. I don’t want to go about murdering people unless it is absolutely necessary. I have sent a letter to Headmaster Cid, informing him of all this. Meeting adjourned.” The SeeD’s stood up and began filing out of the tent.

“Yo, Selphie, you all right?” Zell asked, looking across the table at his friend.

“Fine.” Selphie said, and smiled. Zell dropped back in his chair, feeling oddly scared by Selphie smile. It wasn’t cheerful or peppy like her normal cute grin. It was the smile of someone lost and confused, almost to the point of insanity.

“O........okay.” Zell said and stood up, knocking his chair over. “See ya!” He ran after the SeeD’s that had left the tent before him.

Irvine stood up to, walked over to the door, then paused.

“Coming, Selphie?”

“Uh, yeah.” She stood up, her eyes unfocused.

Irvine lead the way to the Mess Hall, his stomach telling him it was time for dinner. Selphie paused outside the tent flap.

“I’m going to go lay down.” She said. “I don’t feel so well.”

“Well, okay.” Irvine gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I check on you later, all right?”

Selphie nodded and slowly began to walk back to her tent. Irvine stood for minute, slightly put out, then turned and headed into the Mess Hall. He was in desperate need of some coffee.



Selphie stumbled into her tent. She longed to throw herself on the bed and sleep, but she didn’t have time. She pulled out her nunchaku and a pack in which she could carry food. Pulling off her sweater and jeans, she changed into leggings and tight long sleeve shirt. She pulled out her warmest sweater, fleece pants, snow pants, and jacket. Kneeling down on the floor, she searched around for her heaviest mittens, socks, and her scarf. She packed as much food as she could into the pack, then set about preparing the rest of the tent. She was going to erase those grey tombstone from her mind once and for all.


Irvine laughed uproarisly with rest as Zell lost yet another bet. Seeing as how it wasn’t real money involved, Squall couldn’t get mad and fine them or anything. He could only sit in the corner and stare moodily into his drink as Frak, the assistant head of the the Trabian SeeD’s, tried to involve him in conversation.

Glancing at the clock, Irvine realized it was about time for him to go check on Selphie. He rose and pushed his way through the crowd of people that had gathered in the Rec tent after eating. A few people said hi, or acknowledged him, but most didn’t bother. They were having way to much fun to bother about a cowboy SeeD.

Irvine shivered as he reached the cold air outside. He walked rather quickly to Selphie’s tent, bursting a bit louder then he had intended.

“Sorry.” He whispered, not knowing if Selphie was awake or not.

She lay in the bed, the covers pulled completely over her head.

“Selphie?” He asked quietly. She didn’t answer. She must have been asleep. Irvine settled down on a small, spindly chair, leaned his head back against a pole of the tent, closed his eyes and placed his hat over his face.
The minute Selphie awoke he would be there.


“Irvine! Irvine! Dammit man, wake up! Irvine!” Zell kicked Irvine in the shin. He grunted and turned his head. Zell groaned. Squall moved past Zell, bent down real close to Irvine’s ear and said, sharply:

“Irvine Kinneas!”

Irvine jerked up and stared around wildly.

“Wha-” He caught sight of Squall and Zell standing above him. “Guys, what going on?” He tried to smooth out his rumbled hair as he straitened his jacket.

“That’s what.” Zell said, pointing to the bed. The covers had been thrown back to reveal that the shape Irvine as thought was Selphie was actually two pillows.

“I can’t believe you fell for that.” Zell said, shaking his head.

“Where is she?” Irvine demanded.

“We were hoping you could tell us.” Squall said.

“She was muttering about killing the commander.” Zell said. “Maybe she went off to try and assassinate him?”

“No.” Squall said shortly. “Selphie would never kill anyone.”

“Maybe your right.” Zell agreed. “Irvine?”

“I actually think you may be right.” Irvine said sadly. “She seemed, sorta out of it. Dammit! I didn’t even notice. All right, why don’t you two go pack and we can start out after her.”

“It’s too late Irvine.” Squall said softly.

“What do you mean, too late?” Irvine raged. “You know Selphie can take care of herself. We just have to find her and talk some sense into-” Squall was shaking his head.

“No I mean it’s to late as in time.” He said calmly. “It’s already dark out and snowing. There’s no way we’d be able to find her tonight. We’ll get some sleep, then the three of us can start out first thing in the morning, okay?” Zell nodded. Irvine glared for a minute, then nodded too.

“Good.” Said Squall, satisfied. “Then meet in the Mess Hall at six, ready to go.”


Snow blew fiercely in her face as Selphie forced her way forwards.
Traces all around her told her she was getting close to the Galbaldians camp. She had found the body of a dead soldier a few miles back and stolen his gun, which was loaded with bullets. She only needed one and all of Trabia problems would be over. Then she be able to go home, and might actually get semi warm.

Snow melted to water in her boots, then turned to ice. Her face, the only part of her body exposed to the weather was rubbed raw from the cold, her lips cracked and chapped, her nose bleeding more then once. She didn’t know how long she’d been traveling. The sky was now faintly pink, where when she started out it had been navy blue.

She stumbled and fell, the snow feeling warmer then the air. She longed to lay here, immobile, but she knew she had to go on. She wasn’t about to let Irvine or any of the others die.

A dark shape appeared on the horizon. A tent. There were more of them. She could faintly make out a Galbaldian crest on one of them.

Finally, she had made it.

She crept stealthily through the snow, concealing herself behind a low hill. She now just had to wait for the commander.....

Hours later, Selphie still lay in the snow, wet and trembling all over. She was about to close her eyes and let the darkness that was so tempting take her when she saw the commander emerge from his tent. He was wearing his normal uniform and had long black hair pulled back into a pony tail.

Selphie raised the gun poised to shoot. She preyed she’d be able to make it. She released the shots, the guns heat burning through her mittens to her hands.

The Galbaldian reacted immediately, one shoving the commander out of the way, taking a bullet in the arm at the same time, the others raising their guns and firing wildly all around them. Selphie ceased her fire at once. She didn’t want to kill innocent people.

She rose from her spot, and turned to run. Someone shouted and a bullet caught her in the side. It ripped clear through her many layers and she fell instantly to the ground. A scarlet stain spread out around her on the snow.


“Look.” Squall pointed down at the snow. A clear print lay in the undisturbed flakes. Someone had lain there, someone small.

“Selphie?” Irvine asked.

“Must be.” Zell replied.

“Then we’re getting close. At least we know she is still moving.” Squall directed them to spread and search, hoping to find more tracks. Irvine saw a large cleared out area that might have once been a campground for the soldiers. It was set in a circular bowl, with low hills on one side. Looking over at the hills, Irvine saw something fluttering.

He hurried toward it, running across the campground, his legs nearly giving out as his blood warmed up so suddenly. The thing tore lose from whatever was holding it and was blown by the wind down near Irvine, landing on the ground a little to the right of him. It was a bright pink scarf, with a small chocobo embroidered at each end.

Irvine recognized it instantly as Selphie’s. He scooped it up and ran up the hills, to worried to even shout for Squall or Zell. He stopped at the top, glancing wildly around. Then he saw her.

Selphie lay on her back on the ground, one arm draped across her torso, the other flung out in the snow. Her eyes were closed and her face was stark white. A large scarlet stain spread from her left side into the snow.

Stumbling forward, Irvine fell on the ground next to Selphie, desperately seeking her pulse. He found it, but it was weak. He croaked for Squall and Zell, his voice breaking. His two friends appeared almost immediately, worry and fear in their eyes.

“Alive.” Irvine spoke through tears of relief welling up in his eyes. “She’s alive.”


Selphie opened her eyes, crying out immediately. Kill the commander, she had to kill the commander! A splitting pain in her side brought her back to reality and the memories came rushing back. She’d failed. Now where was she?

Looking around, she recognized a SeeD tent. Once again she was piled under a multitude of blankets, her snow pants, jacket, fleece pants and sweatshirt neatly folded on a chair, leaving Selphie in her tight black shirt and pants. A bandage was wrapped around her waist, and she felt the after affects of a attempted Cure spell on her wound.

She knew where she was. Back at Trabia. Any minute now Susan was going to come in and tell her that, because she failed, Trabia had been attacked and everyone she had loved was dead. This time she knew in her heart there would be no survivors.

Someone entered her tent walking softly, gently. Selphie shut hers eyes, shut them tight. She didn’t want to hear Susan’s news.

“Selphie?” The voice was soft and tentative. Selphie refused to listen. Go away. She prayed silently. Go away please. Just go. I don’t want to hear that my friends are dead. Let me join them. Go away and let me sink in the darkness, where I might be able to find them. Please....

Strong hands gently but firmly seized her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. No longer able to pretend she was still unconscious, Selphie opened her eyes.

Irvine stood above her, his warm brown eyes soft, his lips curled into a smile. He didn’t say anything, just bent down and enveloped Selphie in his arms. She pushed him away.

“You’re not Irvine.” She murmured. “Irvine’s dead.”

“What?” The cowboy asked, feeling hurt. Selphie had never refused his hugs before. “Sefie, hun, I’m right here. I’m not dead.”

“You died at Trabia.” Selphie said, recoiling. “I failed and you died.”

“Selphie what are you talking about?” Irvine said, beginning to get worried. “Nobody died at Trabia and you didn’t fail. Maybe you should let me cast Curaga on the wound. We would have sooner but you needed to be awake-”

At that moment Squall and Zell entered the tent, looking concernedly at Selphie who was huddled against the wall. When she saw the two SeeD’s she squeaked and drew her knees up to her chest.

“How is she doing?” Squall asked, his voice emotionless as always.

“Not so good.” Irvine said with a shake of his head. “She seems to think that she failed and I died in Trabia.” Squall looked confused.

“Selphie,” He said, kneeling next to the sleeping mat and speaking in a calm reassuring voice. “Do you recognize me?”

“Go away!” Selphie shrieked. “You’re dead! You’re all dead! Leave me alone!”

“Selphie.” Squall reached out, grabbed one of Selphie’s hands in his own and gripped it hard. “Feel my hand. Does it feel warm?”

Selphie said nothing, just whimpered.

“We’re not dead, Selph.” Zell added bewilderedly, kneeling down next to Squall. “But you might have been. What the hell made you go after that commander?” Selphie didn’t answer, her green eyes wide.

“We don’t want you to become a murderer Selphie.” Squall said sternly.

“Kill the commander and save Trabia.” Selphie whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

“That's not true.” Irvine said gently. “Right now Trabia is safe. Don’t worry about it. Us SeeDs, we can handle anything. Especially with Squall as our leader. You should be more worried about yourself right now.”

Selphie shook her head, and laid down on the pillow, pulling the covers up around her.

“Go away.” She whispered softly as her eyes closed.


Irvine stood in the tent they brought along for him, Zell and Squall, pacing from one end to the other.

“Sit down.” Squall commanded. “Here, I’ll pour you some coffee.”

“I don’t want any.” Irvine said shortly, still pacing.

“Irvine refusing coffee?” Squall said with a hint of surprise, setting the pot down. “You are getting to worked up.”

“No I’m not.” The cowboy continued his pacing, chewing on his bottom lip. “Do you think I should go check on her?”

“I think you should sit down.” Squall said irritably. “Sit and drink your damn coffee.”

Irvine paused for a minute and looked at Squall. Seeing his friends face as impassive as ever, he smiled and resumed his pacing. A crash sounded outside.

Glancing at each other, both Irvine and Squall reached instinctively for their weapons and headed out into the snow. No one was around.

“Zell?” Irvine called. “Zell!” He looked down at something half buried in the snow near the tent. It was a broken coffee cup. Hearing a sound behind them, Squall and Irvine turned around. They didn’t quite turn fast enough. Neither of them saw the nunchaku that whistled through the air.


Once again, Selphie was on her own. She had dragged the unconscious bodies of Irvine, Squall and Zell into their tent and used her blankets to cover them. Let them be warm as they slept. She knew how to use her nunchaku, and knew how to use it well. She had hit each SeeD just barely hard enough to give them a bump, but just enough to knock them out. The commander wouldn’t be so lucky.

She didn’t know where she was going to find him, or what to do when she did. If she had to, she kill him with her bare hands. Then she could lay down and sleep just as Irvine and the others were doing, but Selphie knew once she did she would never wake up.



Once again, Irvine was tracking Selphie. They had woken up, furious and confused, and knew instantly Selphie was gone. Squall said he suspected her of going insane.

Irvine had immediately leapt at Squall, ready to beat his brains out if he said anything like that about Selphie again, but once Zell had got him calmed down and he realized what he had been about to do and apologized for it, Squall explained he hadn’t meant it that way. He thought that Selphie had long kept feelings about the first attack on Trabia suppressed, and now that there had been a second attack, the feelings came back full force and caused her to act a little irrationally. Couple that with her wound and the amount of blood she lost, it was understandable if she was losing grip on reality.

Irvine had grudgingly agreed, and they had set out again, fighting the raging cold. Selphie’s trail was easy to follow, the weaving, staggering footprints making a clear path in the snow. After two days they found, to their dismay, the tracks led right to the Galbaldian camp.

Selphie had grown more careful here, covering her tracks and leaving no trace of where she had been. Unfortunately, in his distressed state, Irvine wasn’t so cautious. The three SeeD’s were searching for any clue Selphie might have left behind when they heard the cock of a gun.

They straightened up and turned around, their hands going to their weapons, but it was too late. Five Galbaldian soldier had them at point blank range. They were caught.


The longer she traveled the sicker she got, and the sicker she got, the more obsessed and crazed she got. Selphie burned with a fever that was obvious in her flushed cheeks and bright, too-wide eyes. She stumbled after the Galbaldians, finally catching sight of their trucks, and murmured to herself. In her mind she saw grey tombstones, and they were burning.

Her lips bled, her nose bled, and even her wound, reopened because of the travel, bled. She ate nothing, having brought no food with her. She drank nothing but the occasional snow she pressed to her lips, which tasted like blood. The snow looked red, like blood, and all her dreams were soaked in it. Her blood, Irvine’s blood, the commanders- the commander!

Selphie had stumbled upon the Galbaldian camp without even realizing it. It was set on the top of a large cliff. Hurriedly she covered her tracks, leaving no trace for anybody to see. Then she lay in the bloody snow and waited.


Her head jerked up hours later and she stared around. One thought burned in her mind. Kill the commander. She moved achingly to her knees and looked down into the camp. Three men were in the center, surrounded by soldiers with loaded guns. One, a short, hyper blond, seemed to be trying to fight the guards, a tall cowboy looking one trying to reason with them, and the other, black clothes brown hair, standing stock still.

Dimly, something in Selphie’s mind told her she should recognize these men, but in her feverish state she couldn’t place them. She saw the commander emerge from his tent and she smiled insanely. She had no gun this time, but her nunchaku would do. If worse came to worse she could always jump over the cliff and drag him with her.

As the commander walked up to the prisoners and slapped the blond across the face with his glove, Selphie crawled over the snow banks and slid down into the camp.

The soldiers turned towards her at the noise, and one of the prisoners yelled a name that sounded vaguely familiar.

“Who are you?” The commander asked sneeringly, staring like everyone else as Selphie picked herself off the ground. “Come to rescue your friends?” Selphie said nothing, just stumbled forward towards the commander. None of the troops tried to stop her. When she reached him she stopped.

“You attacked Trabia.” She croaked, her throat raw from lack of water.

“What of it?” The commander asked. Selphie took a deep breath, bowing her head as if in exhaustion. Then in one sudden movement she swung her nunchaku and caught the commander square in the side of the head.

The blow sent him stumbling sideways, but that was all. Selphie lacked the strength to hit him any harder. The prisoners were fighting to reach her now, but their guards held them back.

“Hold them men.” The commander ordered. “I’ll take care of this little wench myself.” He pulled his sword from it’s scabbard with a flourish. Selphie lifted her nunchaku feebly.

The battle was a short one. Even though she was so sick and weak she could barely stand Selphie had managed to defend herself against most of the commanders first swings. A well aimed lunge on his side caught her off guard, slicing open her shoulder and sending her tumbling in the snow. She didn’t have enough energy left to get up. Even so, she made an attempt to raise her nunchaku a final time.

The commander looked down at her in disgust, then snorted and turned away.

“I have a important mission to undertake boys.” He said, striding over to a Galbaldian vehicle and climbing inside. “Leave the wench. She won’t last long.”

“And the others, sir?” One of the guards asked.

“Keep them.” The commander said shortly. “You never know if you’ll need hostages. Perhaps it won’t be as easy to kill the rest of the Trabian’s as we expect.” He laughed harshly and started up the vehicle.

His words about killing Trabian’s penetrated through Selphie’s haze of pain and exhaustion. Using strength she didn’t know she had, she pulled herself to her feet, blood from her shoulder sticking to her cloths and hair.
She seized her nunchaku, also soaked in blood. In a last desperate attempt, she flung it at the vehicle.

It smashed against the window and went spinning down into the snow, leaving a spider web of cracks behind it. Selphie collapsed, utterly spent.

The vehicle slowed, then stopped. Inside, the commanders face was set in hard, grim lines. He carefully maneuvered the truck around until it’s headlights were trained directly on Selphie. She saw the lights and tried to stand, then fell to her knees, but eventually managed to remain upright. The commander revved the engine. Selphie stood staring at the truck, her eyes full or hatred and fear. She didn’t move.

The truck began to pick up speed, drawing ever closer. Selphie thought of her old friends, laying dead in the cemetery. She thoughts of her new friends, laying dead somewhere else. Perhaps they would forgive her for failing. Selphie saw the approaching lights not as the lights of a truck, but of what lay ahead. Smiling, she shut her eyes and waited for death to reunite her and her friends again.


Irvine saw with a terrible helplessness Selphie’s fight with the commander. He could see the feverish gleam in Selphie’s eyes. He wanted to run to her, hold her in his arms, convince her he wasn’t dead and she wasn’t dying. The guards held him back. He, Squall and Zell fought as hard as they dared while being held at gunpoint, but it wasn’t enough. Selphie had collapsed on the snow, and the commander was telling his troops to leave her there to die. Irvine would be damned if that was going to happen.

Immediately he ceased his struggles, acting as thought the news that Selphie would die and they would be come hostages had paralyzed him with fear. Squall and Zell caught on (Zell only after Squall had kicked him surreptitiously in the shin) and the guards relaxed their hold. The truck was driving away.

Irvine nearly did become paralyzed with fear when he saw Selphie throw her nunchaku, and the commander turn the truck to face her. He watched in desperation as Selphie shut her eyes, to tired and unbalanced from the fever to move. Fear as he had never known it bottle up inside of him, fear of losing Selphie, fear of seeing her pain, fear of living alone.

He let out a wordless roar and flung himself from the circle of guards who were too stunned to stopped him. Squall and Zell immediately pounced on the soldiers, giving Irvine free reign to run. A lone bullet was fired but it was aimed to far to the left.

Irvine reached the truck, now speeding recklessly through the snow, in three bounds and launched himself at Selphie. His body collided with hers, sending them both rolling on the ground, out of harms way.

The commander slammed on the breaks, startled. The truck had been going fast enough that the sudden stop caused it to slide on the snow, then flip over on it’s side. Irvine shielded Selphie’s body with his own as the truck rolled over once, then twice, then tumbled off the edge of the cliff.

There was silence in the camp, then the sound of the commanders truck exploding as it hit the ground. Irvine pushed himself up and looked down at Selphie, whose green eyes were far to wide in her colorless face. Her hair and clothes were gummed with blood, but on her face was a smile.

“I found you.” She whispered.

“Oh Selphie.” Irvine gathered the tiny body in his arms.

“Forgive me for failing.” Selphie said, pulling back to look him in the eyes. She raised a hand to stroke his cheek but was too weak.

“Selphie sweetie you didn’t fail. The commanders dead.” Irvine said, his emotions chocking him. Selphie smiled once more and laid her head against his chest, closing her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” She murmured as unconsciousness stole over her. “Because I found you. And we can be together again, always. After all,” Her last words were barely more then a breath. “Death lasts forever.”


The Galbaldian’s were pleased with the death of their commander, and obligingly drove the SeeD’s back to Trabia. Squall and the new leader got together and wrote a contract the ensured the safety of not just Trabia, but all the gardens.

Selphie was placed in a tent alone, where she was healed of her wounds. No amount of cure spells could take away her fever, and the garden doctor said it had to do more with mental health then physical. The fever had to break soon, or Selphie would die.

Irvine stayed by her bed day and night, barely eating or sleeping. After two days he was no longer recognizable as the flippant, carefree flirtatious cowboy he had always been. His skin took on a greyish tone, his cheeks became sunken and his eyes lost their sparkle.

Squall and Zell became so worried about him they told him that if he got sick and died, Selphie would be heartbroken when she woke up. This at least got him to eat and sleep and return to his normal health. His eyes stayed dull and flat, his face as grim as a skeleton.

Selphie lay in a state between consciousness', never fully awake yet never asleep. Her face was white as a bone, and hot to the touch, her eyes wide and staring. Squall sent messages to Quistis and Rinoa, knowing they would be devestated if Selphie died and they hadn’t been there to say goodbye.

When they arrived the five of them, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Quistis and Irvine sat around Selphie’s bed and talked to her and each other like she could hear them. As the day drew to a close the doctor came in and told them if the fever didn’t break within the next twenty-four hours, Selphie would be lost.

Squall and Rinoa left first, their arms intertwined, seeking comfort from each others company. Zell left next, too depressed to even eat dinner. Quistis left last, patting Irvine on the shoulder as she tried to hide her tears. The cowboy stayed, sitting on Selphie’s bed, holding her cold, clammy hand.

He knew in his heart that he was losing her, but he couldn’t bear the thought. He refused to let her die. If she wasn’t going to fight it, he’d fight it for her.

“Selphie.” He murmured as the night drew on. “I know that somewhere, wherever you are, you can hear me. I’m not going to say goodbye to you Selph. Not yet. I know you are lost somewhere and I want more then anything else in the world to bring you back. Bring you back to me.” Tears filled his eyes. “I know it sounds selfish, and it most likely is, but you don’t deserve to die. You are filled with nothing but good, and happiness, and love. Love for your friends, both the one who passed on and the ones that are still here. And hopefully love for me.” The tears spilled over his eyelids and down his cheeks. “I know the loss of your friends hurt you deeply, but don’t go to them yet. They are happy Selphie. They are happy to wait for you to join them, but when you’re ready. When I can be by your side. I need you Selphie. I need you more then anybody else. Don’t leave me. Please.” He brought her hand to his lips. “Come back to me Selphie.”

Overcome by emotion, Irvine laid his head down on the bed, despair slowly drowning him, ripping away any life-preserver of hope he tried to cling to. He heard a soft sigh, and Selphie’s fingers closed over his own.

Not daring to believe it, Irvine jerked his head up. Selphie’s eyes were closed, breathing deeply. She slept peacefully. The fever was broken.


It wasn’t until next morning that the doctor allowed anyone to see Selphie, but around midmorning he let them into the tent. They were overjoyed to find Selphie sitting up in bed, having just have finished a large breakfast. They were so happy to see her well again they completely forgot themselves and all five of them, including Squall, jumped on the bed to give her hugs and tell her how happy they were to see her.

Finally everyone got situated, Irvine and Squall pulling up chairs, Rinoa sitting on Squall’s lap, Quistis on the end of the bed, and Zell against the wall, still near Selphie.

“I can’t believe your all here, and so happy to see me.” Selphie said, slightly breathless from having five people jump on her.

“Of course we’re happy.” Zell said giving his best friend another hug. “We thought you were gone for good.”

“I almost was.” Selphie admitted, then sighed and looked embarrassed. “I’m really sorry I went off like that.”

“I hope your sorry.” Squall said sternly, then smiled. “My head still hurts from where you hit me with your nunchaku.” Selphie smiled back.

“What made you do it, Selphie?” Rinoa asked kindly.

“I’m not really sure.” Selphie replied. “When the Galbaldians showed up I was reminded of when Trabia was first attacked. A lot of my friends died in that attack, and I was worried it would happen again. I couldn’t bear it if any of you died, so when I heard Zell say that if we killed the commander Trabia was safe, I knew that was what I had to do.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Squall asked. “Why send us on a wild chocobo chase?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight.” Selphie said. “All I could think of were my friends, silently marked by grey tombstones. I couldn’t think of anything else but making those tombstones disappear, saving you guys. To do that I had to kill the commander.”

“But when we found ya, you said we were dead.” Zell pointed out. “What was that all about?”

“I can’t really remember.” Selphie admitted softly. “I had convinced myself that killing the commander would save you, and when I failed I knew you were dead. Seeing you alive and talking was so confusing. I thought you were ghosts or phantoms or something.”

“That’s where your fever came from.” Quistis said knowledgeably. “Besides that fact you had lost so much blood and not eaten in days. You were suffering from a self delusion that sprang from your suppressed feelings about your friends death. The delusion turned to obsession, that eventually took over.” Selphie nodded, looking down at her knees.

“I didn’t want to lose anymore friends.” She murmured softly. “And when I thought you were all dead I was eager to join you.”

“Why didn’t you?” Squall asked. Everyone turned to glare at him. “I’m not saying she should have died.” Squall explained with a sigh. “I’m just wondering what brought her out of her fever.”

“You did.” Selphie said, speaking to the whole group but looking at Irvine. “I could hear you all talking to me, and I knew I had to find you. I was so lost, but your voices helped bring me back.” A tear glistened on her cheek.

“Selphie don’t cry.” Rinoa climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her friend. “It’s okay.”

“I almost failed you, just like I failed my other friends.” Selphie said, sobbing.

“You didn’t fail anyone.” Quistis said. “The fact that your friends died in Trabia wasn’t your fault.”

“And you could never fail us.” Zell said. “No matter what.”

“You have to stop trying to make it up to your friends and let them go.” Squall said. “Don’t ask for forgiveness, just tell them good bye.”

“No.” Irvine said with a smile. “Just tell them to wait.”


The next day Selphie was well enough to get out of bed. The first thing she did was go to the cemetery. Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, Zell and Irvine went with her.

“These are their graves.” Selphie said, gesturing to a group of tombstones. She sighed and knelt on the ground. Her friends stood around her.

“Guys,” She began. “I just want to tell you how much I miss you. Ever since the attack I have been trying to make it up to you, trying to get you to forgive me for letting you die. Because of my friends,” She glanced upward at the others who smiled encouragingly. “I realized you would never forgive me because there was nothing to forgive. I know you’re happy, wherever you are, and I know that I’ll see you again someday. So just wait for me, and watch over me like you’ve always done.” She kissed her fingertips, and touched them to the ground, her head bowed.

One by one her friends squeezed her shoulder and walked out of the cemetery until it was only Irvine left. As he turned to go, Selphie called his name.

“I want to thank you for bringing me back.” She said, approaching him and taking his hands. “I heard you calling for me.”

“I couldn’t bear to lose you.” Irvine said softly.

“And I couldn’t bear to leave you.” Selphie replied. “I heard you calling to me. You found me when I was all alone and lost. And I came back to you.”

“And now we can be together.” Irvine whispered, drawing Selphie to him and kissing her gently on the lips.

“Forever.” Selphie murmured, returning his kiss. “Death may not last for ever. But love always does.”