The
FF Show
By David Dunatov
(DUN DUN DUN DUN!)
Narrator: WELCOME, to the FF show!
(Applause)
Narrator: This is Narrator, the host of the FF show…..
(BOO!)
Narrator: ….who will give out free kibbles n’ bits!
(Applause)
Narrator: Today we will discuss the top 10 impossible things of FF7!
Co-Host Bob: YEAAAAAAH!
Narrator: But first, a word from our sponcers……
(…………….)
Narrator: Um, it seams that we have, uh, no sponcers….. uh… KIBBLES N’ BITS!
(Applause)
Narrator: and we are back and ready!
Co-Host Bob: YEAAAAAH!
Narrator: So starting off at number ten is…..
(Drums role)
Narrator: …RUFUSES OUTFIT!
Co-Host Bob: ACHACHACHACHA!
Narrator: The one thing that makes his outfit so unrealistic is that white people NEVER wear all white cloths, it’s just like a blue whale wearing blue…
Co-Host Bob: YEAAAAAAH!
Narrator: No seriously, if I wore white and walked down an alleyway, I’ll come out de-virginized…..
Co-Host Bob: uh…….
Audience: EEWWWWW!
Narrator: SKIPPING TO 9….
(Drums……)
Narrator: uh….
(Drums…)
Narrator: -=to himself=- Where did I put those….
Co-Host Bob: …….
Narrator: SKIPPING TO 4…..
(BOO!)
Narrator: O shut up, I lost my cards…
Co-Host Bob: YEAAAAAAH!
Narrator: A TALKIN DOG!
(BOOM BOOM CHING)
Narrator: Even though its obvious, why did square think of putting a talkin’ dog?
Co-Host Bob: I Don’t Know? ACHACHACHACHA!
Narrator: My opinon, someone got alittle high while watchin’ Scooby doo!
Co-Host Bob: ME!
Narrator: …………
Co-Host Bob: ………….
Narrator: NUMBER 3…….
(Drums….)
Narrator: GUNS THAT DON’T KILL!
(BOOM BOOM CHINK!)
Co-Host Bob: YEAAAAAAAAH!
Narrator: I can’t tell you how many times my people got shot by bullets and still survived. It reminds me of Islamic guns, they tickle, but don’t kill, DAMB THOSE TERRORISTS! Half of the time they steal our guns cause theirs suck so much. There’s suck so much that if the guns were converted to sluts, they’d be the leading pimps in the world….
(Group in the back stands up….)
Narrator: I mean seriously, pimping terrorists, they’d be scared of their own sluts!
(Red dot goes on Narrator’s head)
Narrator: But really….. -=lookin at dot=-
Narrator: Uh… but… umm…. You know I could be wrong and everything…. I love terrorists… the turban thing… I DIG IT…..
(Group sits down)
Co-Host Bob: Terrorist suck! ACHACHACHACHA!
(BANG!)
Narrator: O crap, lost another one…..
Co-Host Bob: ………………….
Narrator: well anyway, NUMBER TWO…….
(Drums…….)
Narrator: CLOUDS HAIR!
Co-Host Bob: …………….
Narrator: -=nudge=-
Co-Host Bob: acha -=hack cough=- cha ch *collapse*
Narrator: I mean, when you look at that thing its like “theree is something about mary” multiplied by 5!!! I can’t look at that do and comprehend how much gel he must buy every month… the thought SCARES ME!
Co-Host Bob: -=hack=-
Narrator: Man, his hair is more erect than the……
Audience: EWWWWW!
Narrator: WHAT?
More erect than the
(drums….)
Narrator: AND THE NUMBER ONE IMPOSSIBILITY OF FF7 IS…..
(BUM BUM BUM…..)
Narrator: TIFA’s BOOBS!
Every single man in world: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Applause)
Co-Host Bob: ………………
Narrator: I mean look at those things, they remind me of two rosy o’ donalds, and yes, that big!
Audience: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Narrator: SHUT UP!
Audience: ……….
Narrator: I mean, if you drained all of the stuff out of one of them, home heating prices would go down 25%. The country’s need for oil, screw oil, use BOOB! We don’t need cows anymore, just genetically clone Tifa into herds!
Audience: HAHAHAHA!
Narrator: Those must both be ten pounders, I would say the minimum is eight!
Audience: HAHAHA!
Narrator: And that reminds me….. A special guest for today…..
(Drums……)
Narrator: The marvelous, the wonderfull, the one with the bigger rack than my moms spices, TIFAAAAAA LOCHHEART!
Tifa: Hi Ya’ll
Audience: ………………………………
Tifa: What ya’ll lookin’ at?
Audience: -=thoughts=- ( . ) ( . ) -=thoughts=-
Narrator: So Tifa…. How are you doing?
Tifa: The question is not how Nar, its who!
Audience: ( 0 ) ( 0 )
<
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Narrator: Yeah, um….
Tifa: What’s wrong with your co-host?
Narrator: O, him, he got shot by some pussy ass terrorists that either run into stuff like idiots or pretend to be brave while they hide.
Tifa: I can fix that -=move move=-
(Puts his hand on her boob)
Co-Host Bob: AAAAAAH!!! IM ALIVE!!! AND…. IM ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
(Fire extinguisher extinguishes the fire that needed extinguishing)
Co-Host Bob: ah……
Narrator: Well that was a hoot!
Audience: …………….
Narrator: Unfortunately our time is up for today, but for tomorrow, we will talk about how Squall is related to a squirrel, and how Rinoa is an albino! I’d like to thank our special guest Tifa for coming here today on suck short notice….
Tifa: he he….
Co-Host Bob: J
Narrator: o god, you guys get a room!
Both: J
Narrator: Well see you all next week on THE FF SHOW!!!!!
DISCLAIMER: The FF Show is not a
real show, thus, don’t go looking for it in your tv guide or online, it will not be there. And even if the FF show was real, why would
you watch it. This show practically sucks
and this portion of writing is not even funny. Thank you for your time….
THE END