*The Search for the Narrator*
By David Dunatov
Narrator: Wow, it seems like the FF gang is down to trouble again, or DOES IT?
David: Shut up and get to the point!
Narrator: ….OR is there a point?
David: No, seriously, first you eat all the Kibbles n’ Bits, now just don’t star…..
Narrator: OR maybe I should!!!!
David: That’s It!
(boot)
Narrator: hhhey its ccccold oooout hhhere……
David: Stop your whining!
(Slam)
David: There we go!
Cloud: Hey, where is the Narrator, me and him are goin’ to go to the “Men’s club” to get a *bear*.
(typo?)
Cloud: NO, bear! It tastes like steak!
Author: YUMM!
Cloud: NO, you’re not coming. Last time you frisked the pole dancer and she single handedly beat us up with….. uh….. a single hand.
Author: ;)
Cloud: Anyway, where is the Narrator?
David: I kind of threw him out of, the house…..
Cloud: Why did you do that!?!
David: I was bored and he ate the last bag of Kibbles n’ Bits…
Barret: NOOOOOOOOO!
David: Where did you come from?
Barret: um….. -=swoop=-
David: That was odd.
(So David rounded up the troops. Hey! I bettered get paid more for narrating!)
David: Dream on!
(…………..)
Everyone: Here!
David: We have our materia?
Yuffie: ……………
David: YUFFIE!
Yuffie: ok, ok. Here they are…..
David: Weapons?
Everyone: Check
RedXIII: Where did I put my hairpin?
David: It’s in your hair…..
RedXIII: o
David: Food?
Barret: -=sob sob=- nope, all the kkkibbles n’ bbbits are… are…. GONE! -=sob cry=-
David: ooook.
Aeris: Do you guys need all of us to go, he might just be outside waiting you know…..
David: I’ll check….
(Opens door)
Narrator: THANK GOD, LET ME IN!
(Closes door)
David: Nope….
Tifa: I swear by my overlarge boobs that I just saw him ou……
David: tifa…..
(grab grab, chuck chuck, sizzle sizzle)
Tifa: Is that my monthly payment that you threw in the fire?
David: oopsy J
Tifa: -=mutters=- mutter mutter mutter
David: what?
Tifa: MUTTER MUTTER MUTTER!
David: o…. anyway, are we all ready to go?
Everyone-ish: Yup
David: Where is Cloud and Aeris then?
CaitSith: …..UH, I had to go to the water closet and uh, I guess, uh, I didn’t need to go…….
David: oook…. Lets get a move on then!
Vincent: ………………………
David: WHO CARES ABOUT THEM, LETS GO!
Vincent: ………………………
David: We are going through the back door because, um, THERE ARE EVIL LEPERCHAUNS IN THE FRONT!
Everyone: OOOOH!
Vincent: ………………..!
David: Of course there are! Now shut up and follow me!
(So they headed off to the Laundromat, why, I do not know…)
David: Lets see if he is here….
Cid: Why would he be at a #^&(^$& Laundromat?
David: Why wouldn’t he?
Cid: I guess that is *&(_(^* true…..
David: S while I look, you guys go pick up my laundry and fold it for me….
Tifa: wha…
David: CHECK
Tifa: ………
David: Good, now all of you get to work while I look…..
(30 min. later)
Cid: Where the &%%&( is David, we have been foldin’ for 30 min!
Barret: -=sob=-
Yuffie: Isn’t that him across the street at Dunkin’ Donuts?
Tifa: HEY!
(They go over to Dunkin’ Donuts)
Tifa: What are you doing?
David: Eating….
Tifa: I thought you were suppose to….
David: CHECK
Tifa: ………..
Yuffie: But Tifa is right, you were supposed to look fo……
David: MATERIA!
Yuffie: ……….
David: So I have concluded that the Narrator is not in Dunkin’ Donuts…
Cid: After 30 *(&%*^ minutes…..
David: CIGARETS!
Cid: aw O&*)&^!
David: Now we must head off to the bank!
Tifa: why….
David: Because I say…..
Tifa: o well…..
(So they head off to the bank all of the characters holding David’s laundry and Barret crying)
Barret: -=sob=- kibbles…. -=sob=-
David: here we are just in time, now all of you follow me!
Tifa: o great, probably gunna make us do paper work….
David: Good suggestion Tifa, all of you grab a seat and do my taxes!
Vincent: ………………………….!!!!
David: BLOOD!!!!
Vincent: ………………………..
(So David went off, somewhere, while the characters did his taxes)
Cid: *%*_^%%^ taxes……
Caitsith: This sucks to the max, I have been lugging this crap for an hour now and I just caught up to you guys…. What are we doing?
Tifa: Taxes….
Caitsith: great…….
Cid: Hold a *$#&* second, isn’t that him at the **$&^ “gentlemen’s” bar?
Tifa: Look at him go, it took me so long for Cloud to touch me there…..
Everyone: ……………………..
Tifa: uh…. Yeah, I’ll shut up now…….
(So Tifa shut up and they all went to the gentlemen’s bar)
Cid: what the ^*%(_^ are
you doing?
David: Havin’ fun ;)
Tifa: While we were doing your taxes you were having FUN!!!!!
Cid: Yeah, **%$*$*$$%*%&*&%*&*$$*&$*!
David: Hey guys sorry, I thought you all loved me, for giving you shelter. For taking you in after the new FF’s came into town. And this is my thanks, for loving you as my children…. -=very fake sob=- how could you all -=pathetically pathetic sob=-
Tifa: O we are sorry David
RedXIII: Yeah, we are sorry, we will do anything you like!
David: -=end pathetic sob with an idea=- YAY, good, now, OFF! TO THE HOME DEPOT!
(So thgey all went off to home depot where they were given a list)
David: Now this is critical, he must be here, so while I analytically analize this place, you all shop for my house improvement objects…….
Tifa: But, I thought we would…..
David: SILENCE!
Vincent: …………….
David: No Vincent: you are already silent….
Vincent: ………….!
David: ONWARD!
Cid: *&^$$&* list!
(4 hour later [approximately
David: Hey guys, im back!
Tifa: Not only did we have to search you pathetic list of items, we ALSO were forced oput of the store and had to stay here, out in the cold, for TWO #$($($ HOURS!
Cid: Tell him sister!
Vincent: ……………………….!
David: There was a good explanation for that, when I was looking, I got kind of bored, so I went to my friend chris’s house and we searched alittle…..
RedXIII: and……
David: ………we played PS2
Caitsith: THAT’S IT, I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!! TIE HIM UP!!!!
David: NO! umm….
Caitsith: ……….
David: PAYCHECK!
Caitsith: You don’t even pay me in the first place, I just cheat innocent old and outdated people out of their money, or technically, I “borrow” it!
David: YARN! FISH!! BIIIIIRD!!!!!!
Caitsith: Get him!
Everyone: AAAAAARG!
David: AAAAAAAAH!
(punch punch tie tie fasten fasten punch)
David: YOU WILL REGRET THIS!
Caitsith: gag him!
(Gag gager gaging gagation)
David: …………….
Caitsith: there we go, onward home!
David: ………………….
Vincent: ………………………..!!!!!!
David ………………………?????
Vincent: …………………………!!!!
(back at the house [front entrance])
Tifa: NARRATOR!!!!
Narrator: gggggguysssssss…. Yyyyyou aaaaare hhhhhhere……
Cid: He’s &(#$^ frozen, get him inside!
Narrator: Thhhhhhank yyyyou aaaaall ssssssso mmmmuch!
Tifa: Here, grab on to my boob, you will warm up!
(grab grab)
Narrator: J
Tifa: OW! TOO HOT! You singed my boob!
Narrator: AAAAAH! IM ON FIRE!!!!!!
Yuffie: he’s on fire….. and he’s burnin’
Everyone: BURNIN’
Narrator: STOP ^#%^# SINGING CRACK ASS 80’s SONGS AND SAVE ME!!!!
(open door)
Narrator: HEY! What’s the big deal!!!!
(close door)
Narrator: (faintly) I’LL GET YOU GUYS FOR THIS!
Tifa: Anyway, you guys wanna watch a movie?
Cid: Sure, justr got to go to the %^#&($ bathroom!
(walk walk walk walk)
Cid: wha?
Aeris: (faintly) uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh !!!!
Cloud: (faintly) UH! O! YEAH!
Aeris: (faintly) HARDER! HARDER! GRAB ME AND %*$$ ME HARDER!!!
Cid: what the $**&$^ are you guys do…….
Cloud: o sheat…..
Aeris: o no…..
Cid: o &^&$#.......
THE END-ish